Everyone in my family knows I collect opinions and then make my own decision and I’ve decided to use you guys for some opinions:)


We had a dusting of snow and a whole ton of rain overnight where I live. Everything above me got a lot of snow. We had a bit of a problem when text messages didn’t go through this morning, but did finally meet up for a wet, quick walk at the river this morning. We decided it was a much better idea just to go for breakfast.

This evening I got a quick Hallmark workout in, though I must admit I wasn’t feeling very energetic. I did a minute of skaters in between: crunches, pushups, squats, plié squats, burpees, mountain climbers, dips, froggers, high knees, curtsy lunges, and lateral lunges.


I have been working on a toque for a co-worker. She picked the thistle beanie off of Ravelry and I have knit it twice today. The first time I had gone down to a size 5mm needle to get gauge, but didn’t like how stiff the knitted product was turning out. The second time I have gone back to a size 6mm needle and will hopefully get a slouching hat. Thankfully she figures her head is bigger than mine so the extra in gauge will hopefully not matter too much.


I visited my friend C today along with Lyndsay. C lost her dad on Thursday night. Here is my conundrum.

C sent three of us text messages telling us that the prayers were this coming Friday night and the funeral is at 12pm on Saturday. Today I learned the prayers are open casket and then on Saturday there is the mass at 12, followed by the internment at 1:45 and then a wake that goes until 6:30.

The other two ladies at work don’t think they want to go to any of it. I don’t particularly want to (who WANTS to go to a funeral) but kind of feel like I should go to show support for my friend. I have known C for three years- we worked together for one year and have worked out once a week for a year and socialized a bit. I had never met her father.

So please tell me what you all would do. I would appreciate any opinions:)


I listened to a new to me podcast today called Yarniacs. It was quite cute! I bookmarked a few patterns on Ravelry from their suggestions and I liked how simple their show was to follow.

I also watched the Hallmark movie Grounded for Christmas. It was quite cute and displayed a lot of traditional Christmas elements.

I wonder when I will stop watching Christmas movies for the year. Not yet as I’m off to watch another.

Have fun!


27 thoughts on “Sunday Quandary

  1. Aw AJ. Now days funerals are so different than how we remember them in our family, as kids. I think you have a lot of options. I love that you want to support your friend. I know people who simply DO NOT go to wakes or funerals. Period. “life is hard and sad enough, ” one woman told me once.

    If you want to go you can go to the prayers on Friday night.You do NOT have to approach the open casket. Many many people don’t, and no one notices. As for my upbringing, we are very very at ease with caskets open. My life as a nurse made death a frequent occurrence. I practically climb right in.

    Then you can support her next week when her world gets very quiet, or the next. You can support her with a card, you can give her extra running hugs, you can offer to go longer on a run if that would help her. You can listen. and Listen. and Listen…..

    The Saturday plans sound extensive. Maybe people are coming from out of town and they don’t want to just run to the cemetery and leave them after their efforts to come. Know that your friend will feel like she had very little time with everyone. As long as you want to show up one of the two days, I say that’s just really lovely. and If you cannot go, that is always acceptable too. There are so many ways to honor her dad.

    When it is your loved one, You are turned and turned , and with each turn are hugs and support. It goes very fast. It is very emotional. For my own father’s funeral, I told friends not to come. (except for 2) I needed them more as they helped navigate my father and I reuniting , and that was a big help. I feel asking people to take time off from work to come is excessive now a days. But those are just my feelings.

    So you have lots of options. You do not need to offer any excuses. We all grieve and handle death in our own way. If she were to ask why you didn’t come, you could just say, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, but I’m here for you now. Be the one who makes the text or phone call to her later.

    I know you will make a good decision AJ. hugs

  2. It’s a tough decision to make when you didn’t really know the one that passed away, but the support to your friend of showing up, even for a small period of time, would probably be an encouragement. Showing up for her in the weeks after the fact would be a lovely thing for her I’m sure

  3. When I know I can’t stay for an entire funeral I come and show my face, stay for a little bit, express my condolences and then leave. Then after it’s all over I try to show support by sending a card and being there with open ears if needed.

  4. This is a tough one as everyone approaches death differently. I know when my grandparents passed I was grateful the services were just for family. As horrible as it may sound, I didn’t want my friends there. I didn’t want them to see me emotional and grieving. I knew they were there to support me in many ways though. Saying that, I went to the funeral for a colleague’s father a couple years ago. She is like family to me and I know she appreciated that our work family was there for her.

  5. Compassionknit has it nailed. If you want to have shown up, I would do the prayers one but stay at the back. I loved this: “If she were to ask why you didn’t come, you could just say, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, but I’m here for you now. Be the one who makes the text or phone call to her later.” Good luck.

  6. If she is a good friend you should go. A funeral isn’t about what you want or like, as nobody likes them. It’s about your friend and doing what’s right for her. After all, it was her dad. Make your own decision regardless of what you other friends decide to do.

  7. I agree with Jennie: don’t worry about what your friends think or feel, do what feels right to you. If I were in your shoes, I would probably go to part of the services, either the mass or the wake, to show support.

  8. You should go and support C. You don’t have to go up to the casket if you are uncomfortable with that. Even if the other two who got the texts don’t want to go you should go for C. I know she will appreciate your support AJ.💜

  9. My funeral opinion is to support your friend in any way that feels right to you. Attend one piece or all. If you are uncomfortable with any or all of it make a casserole, send a card with a heartfelt message or just check in with your friend the day after. I found it more beneficial to have contact with people after be it a day, a week or a month later. I appreciated the diversion. The wake and funeral all felt like a blur.

  10. this is such a hard thing. I would say pick the thing you would be most comfortable attending and just go to that to show your friend your support. Then you could always do something another time to show you are thinking of her (a card, gift card to dinner, bake something for her etc). I think it is more of an opportunity to show your friend that you care about them in their time of need

  11. Always a very difficult situation to deal with, so in my opinion I think you should go to support your friend. She will appreciate having your shoulder to lean on during this hard time for her ❤ xx

  12. I am not good at going to funeral homes to pay respects or for services. For people I know, I tell their family members that I want to remember them the last time I saw them – I don’t say I’m uncomfortable with going. That your friend specifically asked you and other friends to show up makes it seem like an obligation – I’d feel uncomfortable with that obligation to be honest. When my mom was alive, and did not get around so easily in her later years, I was the “designated family person” (as it was just Mom/me) to make visits to the funeral home for friends of the family/neighbors, etc.. I’d rebel and say I’d rather not – it was a bone of contention between us unfortunately and I did it to keep the peace, but gritted my teeth the entire time. AJ – it is not that you, nor me, were not raised right, but what is our comfort level.

  13. I would definitely go to at least some of it. Maybe not the whole thing – probably not the whole wake, but I would go to the prayers and some of the Saturday events. Also agree to the checking in with her over the next weeks and months. I lost my Dad 5 years ago, and I don’t know that it really sank in for a while afterwards.

  14. I have learned to ask “what can I do for you during this time?” C answer may surprise you. I have had friends/family ask that I just sit with them for awhile, others have asked for clean up after a wake or to take flowers to someone who could use them…

      1. Its a great line if your sincere, and works in a number of situations such helping a friend who pregnant or just had a baby, a friend whose on crutches etc…

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